ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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