We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
