problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
