We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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