Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
