I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
