My hair reeks of homosexuality.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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