I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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