She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
