you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
