I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
