And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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