I want to walk on stilts...naked
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
