I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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