Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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