Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize