Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
