i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
