Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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