can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The struggles of a small town man whore
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
