We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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