: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
