I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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