I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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