i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
