I wish life had little blips of pornography
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dicks are not precious.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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