She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
