one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize