i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
