hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
