U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Randomize
