Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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