no, he came in my armpit
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
