We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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