Ambien. No doubt about it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize