Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize