Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
