this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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