he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize