Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
