I think scott just propositioned me for sex
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
