You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
