You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
