I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
