Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize