and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
