I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
