I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
