Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize