um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
