if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
