I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
