fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize