Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
