were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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