Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
