i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
