I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
