It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
