then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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