Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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