Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
