I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
