The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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