he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
