I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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