Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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