Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
