I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
