Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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