girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
