I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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