That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
