I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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