Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize