The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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