Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think my tv is drunk
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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