I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
