I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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