I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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