party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
