One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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