he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
