Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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