yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
