After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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