"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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