Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I currently don't understand fingers.
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