he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
