we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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