why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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