apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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