my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Randomize