If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
