so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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